Why do you even use Tinder?

I guess I’ve always had this fascination with how Tinder works and what the chances were with meeting normal people, but I never thought my awkward self would go forward with making an account especially knowing very well I wouldn’t meet with any of the people that I “matched” with.

At first, you’re worried you might be tainting your perfectly put-together image of being carefree. I mean, who really wants to put their need for attention out there, that’s why we linger and hide behind screens.

Nevertheless, I made an account. Still don’t know why I still have it, but I do. Maybe it was some sort of ego-booster or a point I needed to make about not caring what people think.

However, coming to use it, It’s a really interesting app. Eventually gets boring but it’s like the dead Facebook newsfeed you still scroll through. I’ll explain why. Note: the names I mention are real.

You could be half asleep swiping through people’s profiles like you’re swiping through your gallery looking for a decent picture. Then out of nowhere, the “you’ve matched” message comes up and you freak out a little, like what now?  (I usually press the ‘keep scrolling’ option, because I’m too scared to start a conversation with someone. I’m aware I’m weird, don’t worry).

Even worse, when they message you and you’re looking at your screen regretting the day you made Tinder because let’s be real, I’m not particularly good at holding a conversation with someone I’ve never meet. I don’t have the cool or interesting factors with replies, considering I generally don’t know how to sound (how do I say this) sexy? Someone literally messaged me after we had matched and asked me how I was but when I replied ‘hey, good thanks yourself?’, I didn’t get a reply. Seriously! Where did I go wrong with that reply? I swear I’m funny Tom, give me another chance! 

Tinder also made me realise how big my city was or how small my social circle was. It’s weird because I generally see the same people around. I’ll literally see people within a 5km radius as me on Tinder, whom I’ve never seen in person or on social media. Especially knowing I only have about 2 shops in my area. Like where have you been all my life Chris? Where? 

Then you have to try to understand the people on Tinder. If you thought Facebook reflected the weirdness in people, you were wrong. Tinder is a lot worse. It’s particularly funny when you notice how much people are trying to sell themselves to the audience through cute photos with their dogs or cheesy/carefree bios. (It is a dating app after all)

You have the I have friends type of people, who try sell their popularity level through their group photos. You generally have to work a little harder with these people by investigating what face is the common factor in each group photo posted. We haven’t even started dating Jacob and you’re already making me work, bye. 

The you have the only one photo people. Like one photo is really enough to see if you’re a possible candidate. I literally have some photos that make me look like an absolute 10 that I won’t post because let’s be real, no one wants to catfish. I say that knowing very well no one really looks like their profile pictures unless they’re like Beyonce’ or something, in which case they’re not human. In saying that, I guess having one photo is technically better than having a black profile picture with the bio ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’.  I actually swiped like, how funny.

I can’t even harris the I’m here for sex only type of users. They’re blatantly forward with why they have the app which eliminates any risk of a girl actually using the app to date. Legends. 

The worse type of people on Tinder, are the people in relationships. Trust me, I know what you’re thinking and it’s not because they’re cheating. But because they choose to upload their adorable pictures with their partner on their Tinder profile. Why. Why do you need to be on the app if you’re not at least using it to cheat on your quite attractive partner Benjamin from Canning Vale? 

Despite the app reflecting the very definition of what being vain is, It’s pretty fun. Who know’s maybe I’ll have the balls to meet up with these people one day. (Looks away from screen). Who am I kidding, I never will. However Chris, if you’re reading this, let’s go food shopping at our local supermarket sometime, It’s not too late, Drake was wrong.


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